You Have to Fail

This is something that God has been working in my for a couple of decades now. "That long?", you ask? Well, you need to understand my distinct fear of failure. I call myself a perfectionist, and often times people chuckle because I do not keep an extra-clean office, and my paperwork is often a mess. What I mean to say is that in areas where I judge myself I am a perfectionist. That is why I never played a round of golf outside of a couple of best-ball "for fun" outings. I spent months on the driving range working on different clubs. I have no intention of "playing" the game until I can win the game. Otherwise I don't see the point of playing :). That is what I mean when I say I am a perfectionist.

God first used my uncle to try and grow me in this area. I still remember the day we were out water skiing. My uncle has just taken a big spill; I mean a spill where the people watching all catch their breath with a collective "Oohhh" and hope he is ok. He was ok. What he said to me was, "If you never fall you are not trying hard enough." I thought he was crazy. In my world if you never fall then you never smack into the water at 32 miles per hour. I have fallen enough times to know that Me + Water + 32mph = pain.

But, even now God is continuing to speak this message to me. And it is getting even stronger. I believe God is calling me to step out in some new areas, and I actually think He is going to let me fall. In fact, part of me believes it is His plan that I fall. Can you imagine that? It is almost like He is saying to me, "Jeff, I am asking you to do something. You are going to fail. But, its ok. I will be here to pick you up and show you where to walk next." Part of me does not want to believe God works in this way... until He reminds me of Peter and this exact conversation that they had.

So, why do I have to fail? Because if I never fail then most likely I have lived a life completely within my own control. I run the risk of actually believing that I am perfect, not that I merely need to appear perfect. If I never stretch so high chasing God's plan that I fall. If I never make an ask He is calling me to make and get rejected. If I never attempt something that He is calling me to attempt and see it fail. Well, then I have likely only existed, and never really lived.

In the end I won't be "failing" at all, because God will be building something precious into my character. That is His goal after all. What I do, the things I accomplish, the monuments I build... none of that really matters to Him as long as I become who He created me to become.

So, am I willing to Fail so that God's work in me can Succeed?