Beginnings and Endings

Have you ever experienced "The Big Buildup!"? This is what happens when you have that big choice to make or that big project to complete or perhaps a new stage of your life is about to begin and you have to tell your loved ones about it. Whatever it is it only counts as a Big Buildup if it happens over a few weeks or months... things that happen in one day just don't count. Well, not that they don't count towards your life, they just do not have the same effect on our lives as the Big Buildups do.

There is something that is true of most Big Buildups in my life; I cannot wait for them to be finished, completed, shared, whatever. And, once they are finished... I don't know what to do with myself. It was always that way in college after finals season. I spent a TON of time focused on the end of the semester and then after one last final... it was over. It generally took me a day or two just to figure out what I was supposed to do next.

I think that is because I often forget that every Ending is in fact a new Beginning. I too often treat life like it is broken into nice little pieces, and I just have to focus on one of them at a time. Though that might be a good time management tool I don't find it to be a good life management tool for a couple of reasons:

1. The bad times seem worse than they really are. When I only focus on one bit of my life or the next Big Buildup then it is just too easy to magnify the issue into something larger than it really is. The decision seems larger than life, the test seems as though it will affect the rest of your future, or the project seems impossible to complete. This does not happen so often if I will remember to step back and look at this Big Buildup in light of the rest of my life... my history and my future.

2. I too often have a Big Letdown following a Big Buildup. Whether the project was a success or a failure does not really matter. The letdown can be internal and emotional depression or it can be external reckless celebration. Either way I have often found that I bring unnecessary pain upon myself because I put so much focus on the Buildup that I have a Big Letdown.

Those who may know me well might think that I am advocating a life devoid of emotion and passion... which is entirely untrue. If anything God has been increasing my passion and emotion towards life this last year and I love it. What I am advocating is a life of perspective in which I give more attention to the vision of my life than the plan I am currently working on. Plans will come and go, succeed and fail... but vision continues through it all. A focus on vision will mean less Big Buildups and less Big Letdowns. I will still have beginnings and endings, but they will flow into each other more smoothly since my focus will be on the bigger picture as well as the smaller details. At least, that is my hope. This is most definitely a work in process for me as I attempt to attain a more holistic view of my life and God's calling for it.