Importance of Inflow

These last few months have been some of the most intense of my life. The whole process of hearing from God and then attempting to match my practical day-to-day life with His call has been incredibly transformational.

It has also been draining, and from what I am seeing it is only going to get more so. Some days I find myself looking back on my position as an associate pastor and thinking just how easy I had it. I realize there is always a case of greener grass, but the fact is I did have it easier back then. Some of that is probably because God was in the process of teaching me what it meant to be poured out for Him. Much of it was that I was the associate pastor... and I have come to believe there is just a whole different level of responsibility that a senior pastor feels.

As my ministry has changed I can empathize more with Paul when he recounted his sufferings in 2 Corinthians 11:16-29. That sounds silly even as I write it, but I find it amazing that at the end of his (quite substantial and impressive) list of trials he says, "besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches."

That is a new thing for me, being concerned for "all the churches". I could honestly say that I was concerned with "my" church, but not "all" the churches. Now, as I work with multiple pastors and business people across the city I find that I am constantly being poured out. I pray more, I hurt more. I battle worry and anxiety, not just for my family and our well-being, but for their families and well-being.

It is both incredibly fulfilling and incredibly draining at the same time.

That point become ultimately clear to me today as I stared, blank-faced, at my computer screen. I was trying to write and realized there was just nothing inside of me. I felt truly empty. That is when it hit me. It has been two days since I just sat and soaked in God's Word.

I have read my Bible in the last two days, but it was more of a reference tool as I was dispensing advice, preparing a message, or framing my prayers. I had not stopped long enough to allow God to fill me with His Word, and so I became empty.

Shortly after I realized that I was empty (and why), I thanked God for how He has chosen to use me at this season of my life. I realized that there have been times I have gone weeks or even months without allowing God to fill me before I felt this empty. That was a humbling and convicting thought... that I was giving away so little of what God had given me that I could last months between fill-ups.

That is most certainly not the case now. The calling God has given me is too big for me. The steps of faith He requires are too large. And that is just the way He wants it. Each day I am compelled to come to Him and simply commit myself to His glory. That is about all I can muster, to say, "Today God I am Yours, please fill me and use me as You see fit."

In that beautiful moment He fulfills what He promises so often in the Scripture; He gives me strength, wisdom, clarity, and passion for His Kingdom and Glory. Then He is good enough to take care of all of the other things I need in life as well.